Release of pent up feelings and such

I've been thinking the past few days... and I have figured out my deepest desire I had as a kid... and before that I had figured out my deepest fear.

As a kid I always enjoyed the middle ages stuff. It was my passion. I would play pretend with my siblings, and we would:
a) Play a 'school' of sorts, were we learned fighting stuff
b) Be deserted on an island and make a 'camp' and fight natives

There was more, those are just the two I can bring to mind. But, I've always wanted to be a knight. I've always wanted to be on top of a horse in armor, with a sword in one hand, and my shield with my family crest on the other. I think this might be why I've always preferred the books/movies with this stuff. I don't want to be a knight to kill people... that's not why. I don't really know why, I just always wanted to. I wanted to be the one to slay the dragon and save the princess per say. I wanted the excitement and adventure. I would serve my king loyally, not seeking power, and I would kill when the need arose, but I would not enjoy it. Chances are though, if I lived in that time, it's more thank likely I would have just been a peasant, or a serf, and worked my days on a farm. But, nonetheless, I don't know... I've just wanted to be a knight, at Arthur's court, serving the Pendragon king.

My deepest fear... I think it's a deepest fear of many people, I would be surprised if it wasn't. But, when I found for myself, I was surprised at how much this means to me...

My deepest fear is to be alone, unloved, and forgotten. I'm not sure why, but I think as humans we are scared of being alone. We need to around other people to feel safe and secure. Yeah, there are a few anomalies, but there always is. My deepest fear is pretty ironic, don't you think? Considering my personality

Last night was pretty depressing... I had sad scary thoughts in my last few waking moments. The first one is a possible reality that I have. As soon as I'm old enough I move out, far away, and get a minimum wage job, no friends, no one, all alone... I don't know

The second one was more of something I felt that I needed to do. I felt like I needed to be on horse, away -for a time- from people. And if not a horse, my bike

Haha... I'm kinda sad aren't I?

Oh well, I don't care if you've read this far, but, I feel better for getting these things out. :)

Remember, life is fleeting. Never do something you might regret, because you might never get to fix it. Remember to tell the people that are important to you that they are, and that you love them. You don't know what your last words may be, and you don't want to part forever on bad terms.

That said, to all my wonderful friends out there, thank you so much for everything you have done for me. I love you guys